The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And that's a really tough title to travel around with when you're not even known.
Ellen DeGeneres
Related It's not being marketed as a gay show by a gay person. It's just Ellen DeGeneres. KYAN DOUGLAS America's always had a real passion for lunatic movements. That's one of the things we'r... MATT TAIBBI In America, everybody thinks they're an entrepreneur. That's the problem. It's not a tit... ALAN SUGAR It's good to have a title that's not just one word. If you're gonna title it, you might ... DAMIEN HIRST When you win a big title like the French Open, it's tough. The emotion in doing this is really u... STANISLAS WAWRINKA Bob Weir calls me a saint, but I'm 'Saint Misbehavin'.' They're making a documen... WAVY GRAVY It's very selfish when I write. I'm not aware, ever, of writing for another person; I'm ... TANITH LEE People sometimes think of 'queen' as a title that's shrouded with protocol and formality... QUEEN RANIA OF JORDAN I really enjoy my philanthropic work, traveling around the world and helping people in need. That... LARRY FITZGERALD It's really surreal to be in something under the 'Goosebumps' title. DYLAN MINNETTE Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON When you're in New York City or Los Angeles, even if you're not dealing with show business, ... ED HELMS When I first started on television, people, and even my own manager at the time, would tell me I had... JENNIFER LOPEZ My mum said to me once years ago, which really spurred me on, 'You're the funniest person I ... MIRANDA HART It was just really, really tough getting anything when you were a female. Basically, I just took adv... SHANNON LUCID The idea that every time you do a film you're supposed to be tortured confuses me. I mean, guys ... GEORGE CLOONEY I had to start being aware of what I ate, what I'm planning to eat and take my twice-daily medic... DANA HILL It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill JUDE WATSON There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, ... LOUIS C. K. If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possi... MAYA ANGELOU Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it'... JOE ROGAN When I first started, the very first body of music I made when I got signed to Atlantic were songs w... WYNTER GORDON I think immigrants, when they're stressed, think that there's something wrong with America, ... AKHIL SHARMA In Japan, there's a TV series called Jin. It deals with time travel. I like stories about time t... YUJI HORII I think when I first started acting there were different people who I thought, 'I want that pers... CARLA GUGINO When you walk into a room, you assess it instantaneously, habitually, before you're even aware o... ROBERT IRWIN In America, you're just an American. You're accepted. It doesn't matter that you're ... BENEDICT WONG Acting's an odd profession for a young person; it's so extreme. You work, and the conditions... MICHELLE PFEIFFER It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea. JUDE WATSON When you're with another actor who's also been through five hours of prosthetic makeup, and ... ALEXANDRA DADDARIO Who gave it that title, gangsta rap? It's reality rap. It's about what's really going on... EAZY-E People say, like, 'Are you a regular person?' 'Well, I'm not a robot, if that's ... ABIGAIL BRESLIN It's not really about the competition. Your biggest challenge in a race is yourself. You're ... SUMMER SANDERS When I sing, I feel like when you're first in love. It's more than sex. It's that point ... JANIS JOPLIN I have a lot of funny friends, though not everyone's funny all the time. Doon Mackichan's my... SALLY PHILLIPS 'Baywatch' sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going... LISA LAMPANELLI I've been doing this for 33 years, and sometimes you make movies and nobody cares. But when peop... D. B. SWEENEY Love hurts the most when you really love. Sometimes you think you're in love, and then you find ... BABYFACE When you're little, you're open to things. It's not like you get into this rehearsed zon... KIRSTEN DUNST I've definitely become more aware and conscious of what directors I'm working with because i... KATE MARA The older I get, I'm definitely getting pulled towards the West Coast, because it's a differ... ERIN WASSON I really thought I was gonna have a straight gig. But these jazz musicians put their arms around me ... KURT ELLING When you're successful, there will be friends, people, VIPs rallying around you. When you're... SURESH RAINA It's not hard to get your way when it's your way or the highway. People either follow suit o... NICKI MINAJ I feel that it's lovely when, as a user, you're not aware of the complexity. JONATHAN IVE When you first read a script is the purest moment. That's when you can understand how an audienc... DAVID TENNANT Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill ROLAND SMITH I get to travel around the world and meet all of these amazing people, and they're singing my so... KINA GRANNIS You're not lonely when you're teaching, you're not quiet, you're laughing most of th... MEM FOX My first novel, 'You Lost Me There,' has been described as a beach read. Tough bracket, beac... ROSECRANS BALDWIN I'm not trying to disrespect anybody by saying this - I'm not sure I feel any interaction wi... CHAD HUGO You've probably read in People that I'm a nice guy - but when the doctor first told me I had... MICHAEL J. FOX If it's Saturday night, and you're sitting on your couch watching 'Showtime at the Apoll... FRANK VINCENT I was a big Jay Leno fan, so I was sorry to see him go. But my number one person that I watch, she... MEGYN KELLY You always hear actors say, 'Theater is my first love,' and it is. It's a time when you ... AMY LANDECKER The great thing about a name like 'Cougar Town' is that you hear it once and you remember it... DAN BYRD I think one of the reasons I've had success in hip-hop is that I can bring out vulnerability in ... SKYLAR GREY To hear people saying, 'The music you are doing has really touched my life and it's moved me... KIP MOORE You hear about quality time a lot but I really think that quantity time with a person is really what... JOSH TURNER I'm still a big 'Grey's Anatomy' fan. BROOKE ELLIOTT I used to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' pretty religiously. ERINN HAYES When I was a kid, Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell were mere blips on the gaydar; and they we... BETH DITTO When you think Selena Gomez, you think 'celebrity.' But really, she does so many things for ... CHRISTINA GRIMMIE It's in every person's life, around 27 to 29 years old, the stars and the planets align them... LYKKE LI Doing theater anywhere, especially in L.A., is a constant uphill battle, and there's also the un... FINN WITTROCK One way in which 'Friends' did resemble 'Seinfeld' is that it really found its audie... WARREN LITTLEFIELD A lot of people write books not at the end of their career. Why you gotta wait until then? When you&... DAVID ORTIZ I had a very wise person tell me that he thinks marriage, when you're younger, you keep thinking... ALBERT BROOKS The funniest people I know were, not necessarily troubled, but had a harder time in school or were s... KAITLIN OLSON You know sometimes when you're in a really bad mood and you're not sure why? That's how ... MAISIE WILLIAMS I don't think it's good to run on anger, but it's really great when that's the first... JOSH HOMME I have a really strong opponent in Randy Orton. A former multi-time world champion. He's held ju... ROMAN REIGNS I feel like I've made good friends with people I've worked with, but in terms of lasting ins... TARON EGERTON I've had to really teach myself that when you're not feeling it, you shouldn't write any... COREY TAYLOR My career has been very good to me, but really, the odds are really slim. It's a tough life, and... MORENA BACCARIN You know what's funny? There's times when you catch a ball and really didn't even see th... CALVIN JOHNSON You learn, even at 'S.N.L.,' that the funniest scripts a lot of the time were written with t... AKIVA SCHAFFER You've got something really angsty for me to play? Bring it on. Most of the time, I'm goofin... KIERAN BEW What a fine line there is between artistry and insanity. There's no formula for it, and I think ... RONNIE DUNN People think because it's photography it's not worth as much, and because it's a woman a... CINDY SHERMAN I danced a lot when I was younger, and I've always had decent, shapely legs and thought it's... KATE WINSLET This acting's serious! And I really respect those actors. It's a tough business to be able t... MICHAEL STRAHAN I can't relate to people who treat me as a 'famous person.' I only like to hang around w... JUDY BLUME People talk about Hollywood as a myth, but in reality, when you make Icelandic movies and you want t... BALTASAR KORMAKUR You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influe... SCOTT ADAMS I just don't think the title 'MJ's daughter' fits me. PARIS JACKSON I think that having comedy where people talk the way they really talk, when you talk with your frien... SETH GORDON A lot of the players are not involved with any NHL team, so to play and travel around with the Oldti... GUY LAFLEUR When you're a teenager, everything seems like the end of the world, and I don't think that... VERONICA ROTH When taxpayers are subsidizing low wages, people should be aware of that. We're subsidizing an e... NANCY PELOSI I've had self-esteem issues for a really, really long time. Plenty of people think I'm ugly,... PARIS-MICHAEL KATHERINE JACKSON For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that mak... JAY LENO It's a really natural thing: The people closest in your life are the people you want the first o... JACK ANTONOFF It is really hard when you spend your life living out of a suitcase. But it really does weed out sup... AMBER HEARD Laurence Olivier said in an interview once that when he plays a tragedy he always aims for the funny... CHRISTOPHER WALKEN What is protecting me is that it is not a finality being an actress. I really think we tend to ideal... CHARLOTTE LE BON It's always difficult, especially the U.S. Open, the last of the Grand Slams. It's always to... AGNIESZKA RADWANSKA At the end of the day, the position is just a position, a title is just a title, and those things co... QUEEN RANIA OF JORDAN I think we all attract troublemakers; I don't think it's particularly about anyone. I had it... OLLY MURS
More Ellen DeGeneres
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we... ELLEN DEGENERES I would love for the world to be happier. ELLEN DEGENERES I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me... ELLEN DEGENERES So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying i... ELLEN DEGENERES If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wan... ELLEN DEGENERES The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think peop... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. ELLEN DEGENERES And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happe... ELLEN DEGENERES Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are. ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens.... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I... ELLEN DEGENERES Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual.... ELLEN DEGENERES Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear a... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should reali... ELLEN DEGENERES It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves. ELLEN DEGENERES If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you. ELLEN DEGENERES If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birt... ELLEN DEGENERES You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and sl... ELLEN DEGENERES Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello. ELLEN DEGENERES Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help som... ELLEN DEGENERES Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim thr... ELLEN DEGENERES The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yours... ELLEN DEGENERES So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless y... ELLEN DEGENERES Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all di... ELLEN DEGENERES Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't ev... ELLEN DEGENERES Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also ha... ELLEN DEGENERES Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for brea... ELLEN DEGENERES I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clappin... ELLEN DEGENERES I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and... ELLEN DEGENERES It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success. ELLEN DEGENERES It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive. ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neigh... ELLEN DEGENERES What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we ... ELLEN DEGENERES True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is ab... ELLEN DEGENERES Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. ELLEN DEGENERES When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when... ELLEN DEGENERES My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the c... ELLEN DEGENERES Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if peo... ELLEN DEGENERES If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should u... ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful ... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She... ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, So... ELLEN DEGENERES Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. ELLEN DEGENERES I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is c... ELLEN DEGENERES Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my ... ELLEN DEGENERES The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar... ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb... ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ELLEN DEGENERES The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the ... ELLEN DEGENERES People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with any... ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and ... ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find... ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beauti... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just ... ELLEN DEGENERES We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity an... ELLEN DEGENERES Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. ELLEN DEGENERES I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatr... ELLEN DEGENERES I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me. ELLEN DEGENERES Whatever you define family as, family is just a part of belonging to something that takes care of yo... ELLEN DEGENERES We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to ... ELLEN DEGENERES I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours a... ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one... ELLEN DEGENERES Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the w... ELLEN DEGENERES It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they... ELLEN DEGENERES Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it. ELLEN DEGENERES I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with. ELLEN DEGENERES We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two ... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't grow up in a house - we moved a lot, and we always lived in apartments. But we looked a... ELLEN DEGENERES Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dia... ELLEN DEGENERES Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's j... ELLEN DEGENERES I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short... ELLEN DEGENERES I love kids. But that's such a big commitment. And it seems long-term. It seems like a commitmen... ELLEN DEGENERES I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about w... ELLEN DEGENERES I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do... ELLEN DEGENERES I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we'r... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'... ELLEN DEGENERES My father was a first reader in the Christian Science Church, which is similar to being a preacher. ... ELLEN DEGENERES I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy ... ELLEN DEGENERES Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've ... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James! ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d... ELLEN DEGENERES I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking ... ELLEN DEGENERES I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tabl... ELLEN DEGENERES You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i... ELLEN DEGENERES When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I thi... ELLEN DEGENERES What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore... ELLEN DEGENERES I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe ... ELLEN DEGENERES The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain ... ELLEN DEGENERES Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm ... ELLEN DEGENERES The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. B... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I... ELLEN DEGENERES They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thou... ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was s... ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and ha... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had ... ELLEN DEGENERES I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been ... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. I... ELLEN DEGENERES For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but lo... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if t... ELLEN DEGENERES Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. ELLEN DEGENERES Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the wo... ELLEN DEGENERES People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going. ELLEN DEGENERES And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so ... ELLEN DEGENERES "I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. ... ELLEN DEGENERES I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is abo... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had... ELLEN DEGENERES its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow ELLEN DEGENERES I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'... ELLEN DEGENERES Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a rel... ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ELLEN DEGENERES And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards. ELLEN DEGENERES We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town. ELLEN DEGENERES Soap Talk. ELLEN DEGENERES There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly,... ELLEN DEGENERES [I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... "I need a coffee with a side of ... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't want the Web site to be impersonal and I wanted to interact with people, ... The hammer and... ELLEN DEGENERES "Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would ... ELLEN DEGENERES Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running... ELLEN DEGENERES Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on... ELLEN DEGENERES [Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eigh... ELLEN DEGENERES I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like... ELLEN DEGENERES I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of w... ELLEN DEGENERES Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw eve... ELLEN DEGENERES I do fantasize about having my own shop one day. ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's g... ELLEN DEGENERES Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away. ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. The... ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one... ELLEN DEGENERES ...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian. ELLEN DEGENERES I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's... ELLEN DEGENERES When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistaken... ELLEN DEGENERES Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless y... ELLEN DEGENERES My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost... ELLEN DEGENERES My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and th... ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastinate now, don't put it off. ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES "I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just lik... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-fe... ELLEN DEGENERES Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with ... ELLEN DEGENERES I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, ever... ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval, ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used t... ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get o... ELLEN DEGENERES "I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, ... ELLEN DEGENERES The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincid... ELLEN DEGENERES "I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all ... ELLEN DEGENERES Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called ... ELLEN DEGENERES You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me be... ELLEN DEGENERES The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had... ELLEN DEGENERES Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain. ELLEN DEGENERES That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it. ELLEN DEGENERES The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head. ELLEN DEGENERES I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and list... ELLEN DEGENERES [• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that ... ELLEN DEGENERES We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen ... ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''... ELLEN DEGENERES I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to... ELLEN DEGENERES "I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my g... ELLEN DEGENERES Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not... ELLEN DEGENERES You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, ... ELLEN DEGENERES Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that... ELLEN DEGENERES Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I... ELLEN DEGENERES It's definitely a heterosexual feeling, but it's directed at you. ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old w... ELLEN DEGENERES I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from...... ELLEN DEGENERES Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up ... ELLEN DEGENERES The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right be... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave ... ELLEN DEGENERES It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. ELLEN DEGENERES I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got re... ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year... ELLEN DEGENERES Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gros... ELLEN DEGENERES New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected. ELLEN DEGENERES I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my... ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There w... ELLEN DEGENERES I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new ... ELLEN DEGENERES I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day. ELLEN DEGENERES I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getti... ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses,... ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slo... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen ... ELLEN DEGENERES Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these d... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She... ELLEN DEGENERES I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's c... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm grateful for everything. I'm grateful for my health, and I'm so grateful for the lov... ELLEN DEGENERES I say always follow your passion, no matter what, because even if it's not the same financial su... ELLEN DEGENERES There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would ... ELLEN DEGENERES