Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'