My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.