I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get