My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.