The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'