My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.

I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while.

My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York.

George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.