Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.

A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you.

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

When your wife asks you for your opinion, she doesn't really want your opinion. She wants her opinion - just in a deeper voice.