Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems.

If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers