The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back
HENRY YOUNGMAN If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.
HENRY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say
HENRY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENRY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENRY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENRY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
HENRY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Take my wife . . . . Please!
HENRY YOUNGMAN If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he salute...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another si...
HENNY YOUNGMAN That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He g...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as w...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a litt...
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one t...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep lat...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
HENNY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
HENNY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet fi...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi u...
HENNY YOUNGMAN What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angele...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Take my wife... Please!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I would rather be right than President.
HENRY CLAY There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.
O. HENRY I see America spreading disaster. I see America as a black curse upon the world. I see a long night ...
HENRY MILLER We do not talk - we bludgeon one another with facts and theories gleaned from cursory readings of ne...
HENRY MILLER It is true I had been successful on a small scale in overcoming one of the main difficulties in the ...
HENRY BESSEMER The people who influence you are the people who believe in you.
HENRY DRUMMOND The ecstatic insanity of romantic pursuit can be so enhanced by music that entire romantic conquests...
HENRY ROLLINS Oklahomans value our children and our seniors. Oklahomans value traditions of faith. Oklahomans valu...
BRAD HENRY We must give Oklahoma families the opportunity to thrive and prosper. We must give all Oklahomans th...
BRAD HENRY The worst thing we can do is to do nothing.
BRAD HENRY In charting our course to the future, we are mindful of our path from the past.
BRAD HENRY The only thing holding us back is ourselves.
BRAD HENRY The status quo is simply unacceptable.
BRAD HENRY Reading builds the educated and informed electorate so vital to our democracy.
BRAD HENRY For only by nurturing the minds and strengthening the values of our children can we give them an opp...
BRAD HENRY It is a paradox that far too few Americans participate in the wonderful ritual of democracy that we ...
BRAD HENRY It is only through raising expectations and striving for excellence that our children can reach thei...
BRAD HENRY Resilience is woven deeply into the fabric of Oklahoma. Throw us an obstacle, and we grow stronger.
BRAD HENRY No other investment yields as great a return as the investment in education. An educated workforce i...
BRAD HENRY Education is not solely about earning a great living. It means living a great life.
BRAD HENRY What unites Oklahomans today is what has always united us: Our unshakable faith. Our love of family ...
BRAD HENRY A fundamental duty of government is to protect its people.
BRAD HENRY There is too much at stake for us to surrender to the politics of polarization.
BRAD HENRY No matter where you stand politically - even if you're unsure of what your political ideology is...
BRAD HENRY One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.
HENRY MILLER The Bible is worth all the other books which have ever been printed.
PATRICK HENRY I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred, paranoia, and abando...
HENRY ROLLINS Sculpture is an art of the open air. Daylight, sunlight, is necessary to it, and for me, its best se...
HENRY MOORE My version of Superman is essentially of a guy who has spent his whole life alone.
HENRY CAVILL No one should have to choose between medicine and other necessities. No one should have to use the e...
BRAD HENRY There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
HENRY KISSINGER To succeed in hockey, you need teamwork.
HENRY SAMUELI Musicians should not play music. Music should play musicians.
HENRY ROLLINS Quality means doing it right when no one is looking.
HENRY FORD My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud.
HENRY ROLLINS You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
HENRY FORD Life is now a war zone, and as such, the number of people considered disposable has grown exponentia...
HENRY GIROUX Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor...
PATRICK HENRY Capital punishment is as fundamentally wrong as a cure for crime as charity is wrong as a cure for p...
HENRY FORD I think that humans have a huge capacity to carry pain and sadness. There are things that haunt us o...
HENRY ROLLINS In New York it seems like there's no Monday or Saturday or Sunday. The town is always moving. Th...
THIERRY HENRY Progress requires setbacks; the only sure way to avoid failure is not to try.
HENRY SPENCER A beach is not only a sweep of sand, but shells of sea creatures, the sea glass, the seaweed, the in...
HENRY GRUNWALD After a storm comes a calm.
MATTHEW HENRY Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
HENRY KISSINGER In winter, I plot and plan. In spring, I move.
HENRY ROLLINS Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and...
HENRY CLOUD The month of November makes me feel that life is passing more quickly. In an effort to slow it down,...
HENRY ROLLINS The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, aw...
HENRY MILLER The creative habit is like a drug. The particular obsession changes, but the excitement, the thrill ...
HENRY MOORE There is danger in reckless change, but greater danger in blind conservatism.
HENRY GEORGE There is one rule for the industrialist and that is: Make the best quality of goods possible at the ...
HENRY FORD Would any one believe that I am master of slaves by my own purchase? I am drawn along by the general...
PATRICK HENRY Shall we, who have laid the proud British lion at our feet, now be afraid of his whelps?
PATRICK HENRY It is a debt we owe to the purity of our religion to show that it is at variance with that law which...
PATRICK HENRY Unite liberality with a just frugality; always reserve something for the hand of charity; and never ...
PATRICK HENRY The great object is that every man be armed.
PATRICK HENRY This is all the inheritance I give to my dear family. The religion of Christ will give them one whic...
PATRICK HENRY Fear is the passion of slaves.
PATRICK HENRY The distinctions between Virginians, Pennsylvanians, New Yorkers, and New Englanders are no more. I ...
PATRICK HENRY We are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of Nature has placed in our pow...
PATRICK HENRY Do you remember any instance where tyranny was destroyed and freedom established on its ruins, among...
PATRICK HENRY If this be treason, make the most of it!
PATRICK HENRY I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
PATRICK HENRY No man is great enough or wise enough for any of us to surrender our destiny to. The only way in whi...
HENRY MILLER So stick up ivy and the bays, and then restore the heathen ways, green will remind you of the Spring...
HENRY VAUGHAN You need a little bit of insanity to do great things.
HENRY ROLLINS I wonder what it's like to be from a state that is spread across a few islands way out in the Pa...
HENRY ROLLINS By nature and doctrines I am addicted to the habit of discovering choice places wherein to feed.
O. HENRY The Venturer is one who keeps his eye on the hedgerows and wayside groves and meadows while he trave...
O. HENRY I never have time to read now. I did all my reading before I was twenty.
O. HENRY It couldn't have happened anywhere but in little old New York.
O. HENRY It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.
O. HENRY Whenever he saw a dollar in another man's hands he took it as a personal grudge, if he couldn...
O. HENRY East is East, and West is San Francisco, according to Californians. Californians are a race of peopl...
O. HENRY When one loves one's Art no service seems too hard.
O. HENRY Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
O. HENRY By rights you're a king. If I was you, I'd call for a new deal.
O. HENRY It brings up happy old days when I was only a farmer and not an agriculturist.
O. HENRY If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.
O. HENRY I have been called 'The American De Maupassant.' Well, I never wrote a filthy word in my lif...
O. HENRY She plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act of woman to proclaim owner...
O. HENRY Write what you like; there is no other rule.
O. HENRY I once asked Ozzy Osbourne, truly one of my favorite people in the world, if he was cool with singin...
HENRY ROLLINS If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.
HENRY FORD Republicans just can't help themselves. They get in front of a live microphone and within a few ...
HENRY ROLLINS The bronze powder business, however, no longer required my personal attention, and was well managed ...
HENRY BESSEMER Seven-11 is the pulse-beat of America. I think that Bruce Springsteen should do a song about a 7-11 ...
HENRY ROLLINS $250,000 isn't a lot, but it is enough to make a statement. We are looking for projects that will be...
AL HENRY I'm proud of our team. We great leadership from our four seniors - Peter Jerome, Josh Trottier, Alex...
AL HENRY Give credit where credit is due. Fargo South is a machine.
AL HENRY This is an OK way to end it. As far as I'm concerned, our team is the winner.
AL HENRY The tides which flow and lapse in the Bristol Channel are often distained by the freshets of many st...
HENRY WILLIAMSON Towards four o'clock, the rebels felt strong enough to take the offensive. A brigade with a batt...
HENRY VILLARD Today, most believers are segregated and isolated in their church or in their home. If believers acc...
HENRY HON Unity is vision; it must have been part of the process of learning to see.
HENRY ADAMS You are the reason I don't want to die all the time. When I am with you, life is worth living. Tim...
HENRY ROLLINS I was influenced by Ray Harryhausen and Lotte Reiniger, with her twitchy, cutout animation, which I ...
HENRY SELICK The world is the mirror of myself dying.
HENRY MILLER In the attempt to defeat death man has been inevitably obliged to defeat life, for the two are inext...
HENRY MILLER This is all the Inheritance I can give to my dear Family. The Religion of Christ can give them one w...
PATRICK HENRY There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be freeif we mean to preserve inviolate those in...
PATRICK HENRY Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our ...
PATRICK HENRY It is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a pain...
PATRICK HENRY Is the relinquishment of the trial by jury and the liberty of the press necessary for your liberty? ...
PATRICK HENRY