FastSaying

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

Henny Youngman

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I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
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Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
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Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'
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