I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth . . . she used to have to sleep with her head in a safe.

I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.