I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.