If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.