If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.