He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?