Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.

If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.