If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?