What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.

If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.