I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it


Woody Allen

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape an...
ARTHUR GOLDEN
As far back as history records people thinking, thinking people have been befuddled by the mysteries...
LEWIS N. ROE
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib...
C. JOYBELL C.
Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY
How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS
The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better.
ROBERT F. KENNEDY
I have a Woody Allen Jewish attitude to life: that it's all going to be disastrous. That it hasn...
ANTONY SHER
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi...
MARIANA FULGER
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU
Some people never take a chance and never know what it's like to live life to the full.
CHLOE THURLOW
Life is never all one thing. It bounces around. Certainly, my own life has. Look at Woody Allen'...
TIM O'BRIEN
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN
Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS
To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS
As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS
You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE
You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
We are born different to make a difference.
LISA R. REYNOLDS
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
One of the most important things I have found is that no one school of thought has all of the answer...
LEWIS N. ROE
A Ritual to Read to Each Other


If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and...
WILLIAM STAFFORD
I was just thinking... isn't it lucky that we decided to become co-editors? If one takes a blow to t...
GABRIELLE ZEVIN
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
The earth is an arena of champions. We are all champions. We all did overcome millions of potential ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
Sharing stories that fill our chambers with an explosion of unique voices is a means to instigate an...
KILROY J. OLDSTER
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
We Are All Infinite
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
(All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON
You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE.
STEPHAN CHBOSKY
Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st...
STHEPHEN CHBOSKY
no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
A small change can make a big difference. You are the only one who can make our world a better place...
ANKITA SINGHAL
I live my life progressing for nothing else but the best.
JONATHAN ANTHONY BURKETT
The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, we slip, but, fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, w...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR
Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ... Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappr...
GAIL CARRIGER
In the real world, they told you who to be, not the other way around.
RHODA BELLEZA
I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
Like a deep sad note
played beneath the ocean
waving through the orb
the memories of ...
PAWAN MISHRA
How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Q...
LEWIS CARROLL
I don't know if I have a favorite color.
KATE MIDDLETON
It's very special having a new little girl.
KATE MIDDLETON
But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD
2. Overcommitment and time pressure are the greatest destroyers of marriages. It takes time to devel...
JAMES C. DOBSON
Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same t...
RADHA MITCHELL
Most of my kin are bastards," [Tyrion] said with a wry smile, "but you're the first I've had to frie...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN
Woody Allen sets are very quiet. Extraordinary sense of power from a man who doesn't do anything...
F. MURRAY ABRAHAM
When sorrow knocks at your door, tell it you're busy finding happiness.
SARU SINGHAL
She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN
I love 'Husbands and Wives,' Woody Allen's movie. It's like one of my all-time favor...
ZOE LISTER-JONES
New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL
Let your true love be your lifetime treasure and beyond.
ANGELICA HOPES
Life depends on you and your choices. The real value of your life largely depends on what you do wit...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think eve...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
I know that this sounds grand, but I don't try to compete with other people. I like to think the...
STEPHEN MERCHANT
A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI
I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG
A person of value have skill, a vision & a deep desire to achieve what they dream for. Happiness com...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
A man of guilt acknowledges and changes himself immediately on being hinted slightly about his fault...
ANUJ SOMANY
The school year progressed slowly. I felt as if I had been in the sixth grade for years, yet it was ...
LUCY GREALY
The value of a consultant;An outsider can see what an insider cannot see or has decided to ignore.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A family is like a card game, on one hand, you can get a really bad hand and on the other, your hand...
GARY F EVANS...
The worth of a person’s quote is in his or her heart where it takes the birth and the value of the...
ANUJ SOMANY
Walking the rugged trail of the unknown destiny can be filled with walls crashing and cracks on the ...
GARY F EVANS...
It makes you wonder why the human race can be so selfish and self-centered sometimes, when on cold w...
GARY F EVANS...
To have a pet in the family is to invite good health into your lives.It brings happiness to all and ...
GARY F EVANS...
كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره�...
مليكة مستظرف
The norm which the society at large has set today categorically is in the form of preventive measure...
HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's a...
DAVID LETTERMAN
It's nice to have things to look forward to.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN
A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN
Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN
The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN
These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN
We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN
Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN
You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN
The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN
We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN
Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN