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Woody Allen quote: "I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her."

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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.


Woody Allen


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Les, I want to kiss her so fucking bad, but I'm too scared. I'm scared if I kiss her too soon, it'll...
COLLEEN HOOVER
I just want to kiss you." He slid his hand up her neck, cupping the side of her face. "Do you want t...
APRILYNNE PIKE
REVISITING THE LIST
1. Kiss Estelle
Okay, at least I've met her. She thinks I'm a creep. A...
FIONA WOOD
I kiss her. I kiss her and kiss her. I try not to bite her lip. She tastes like vodkahoney.
LIDIA YUKNAVITCH
If somebody had started on a remake of French Kiss before I announced my own film, I would have drop...
AJAY DEVGAN
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
And okay, fine. If you have to kiss her, you have to kiss her. And believe me, I do not envy you. Th...
GENA SHOWALTER
When I kiss her I am kissing 1903.
ESTHER NEWTON
I want to kiss her without counting the seconds. I want to hold her so long that I get to know her s...
DAVID LEVITHAN
My fingers lightly trace her arm and I swear she presses closer to me. I'd love to kiss her right no...
KATIE MCGARRY
I don't really want to make this sound depressing, but I will say that I didn't really have ...
BEBE REXHA
I open my eyes.
I want to know:
what is in the abyss of a kiss?
Are stars born in t...
KAMAND KOJOURI
What do you want to kiss me for? I'm filthy.'- Liesel
So am I.'- Rudy
MARKUS ZUSAK
You want to know my sweet?" I ask her.

She nods.

I kiss her on the forehead. "...
COLLEEN HOOVER
You know what?” His breath was warm against my cheek. “There are a lot of stupid things to do, b...
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT
I'll get an extra kiss from my wife.
KURT HALL
I kiss you and kiss you, With arms around my own, Ah, how shall I miss you, When, dear, you have gro...
W.B. YEATS
Kiss her. Slowly, take your time, there’s no place you’d rather be. Kiss her but not like you’...
AZRA TABASSUM
I want to kiss you.
JOE NAMATH
Kiss someone like kissing is the only way you have to communicate. There is no conversation. There i...
ROBERTO HOGUE
I kiss [her] even though I know that if you kiss a girl before you are married to her you might get ...
JOSH SUNDQUIST
What are you wishing for?' Grace interrupted. 'To kiss you,' I said to her.
MAGGIE STIEFVATER
I brush her hair out of her eyes and run my finger along the edge of her face. "I love you, Lake." COLLEEN HOOVER A kiss of a mistress is what a wife should never see.
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
I do not know how to kiss, or I would kiss you. Where do the noses go?
INGRID BERGMAN
My first crush was Hayley Mills when I was a little kid in England. I used to kiss her picture goodn...
RICK SPRINGFIELD
If I want to kiss, I shall kiss. If I am told that a lovemaking scene is integral to the script, I w...
KAREENA KAPOOR KHAN
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
You really don't want to kiss a hamster.
COLIN CAMPBELL
Woody Allen is really the ultimate. I love that he believed in himself enough to do what he did. And...
MINDY KALING
So...what do you want to do?"
He didn't even have to think about it.
"Kiss you again.
DENISE HUNTER
I want to kiss her and make love to her and marry her and make her have my babies and I want it all ...
COLLEEN HOOVER
Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her -- when, ni...
HELEN ROWLAND
Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nin...
HELEN ROWLAND
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
If it’s only a kiss you want, I can kiss you with my clothes on.” Katie O'Reilly to Captain Lord...
JINA BACARR
If you really loved her, you'd kiss her tears and bumps and bruises the same way you kiss her lips. ...
JULIE ANN WALKER
Boys always like to see girls kiss. I don't get it; girls don't want to see boys kiss.
DOMINIQUE SWAIN
I had to have my first kiss in front of, like, a hundred people. I didn't know what to do. So my...
LACEY CHABERT
If you kiss her cheeks, she is your friend; if you kiss her lips, she is your lover; if you kiss her...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO
Kiss me,” she said urgently.

Sam’s eyes flickered with mild surprise. “Right now?�...
LISA KLEYPAS
I just like to kiss and hug people! That's what I do! I'm physical!
LUCINDA WILLIAMS
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
There were people I know that got upset that I kiss people. I kiss them for luck and love, that's al...
RICHARD DAWSON
You don't tell an astronaut what to do.
ATMOSPHERE
Her soft lips kiss my jaw and my body temperature spikes. Holding on to Rachel is like holding on to...
KATIE MCGARRY
...Sometimes," he said, bringing a figertip to her bottom lip, "A kiss is simply a kiss.
APRILYNNE PIKE
I'll have to give Luis a kiss when I see him.
STEVEN GERRARD
When you want to marry a prince you will have to kiss many frogs.
DUTCH PROVERB
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
The only foreplay I really need is for a guy to kiss my hip bone. The hip is the most erotic and neg...
KAREN MCDOUGAL
Her lips are in close proximity to mine, so of course I have to kiss them.
COLLEEN HOOVER
I didn't want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble — I wanted to kiss you good night — a...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
I grab on to her wrists, pull them away from her face and kiss her lips, lips that can’t kiss me b...
KATIE MCGARRY
Just a shower. If you want me to stay on the opposite side, I will. I won’t kiss. I won’t touch....
KATIE MCGARRY
For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can'...
ALEX KAREV
There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU
I want to hear you say those words again. If you do, I won't hold my feelings back anymore. I might ...
SOLITA
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
When I can't stretch to kiss my boots, I know it'll be time to hang them up!
DARREN CURRIE
One regret dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did...
HAFIZ OF PERSIA
Next generations will not know what is to have childhood.
DANIEL MELGAçO
When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, a...
BOBBY KNIGHT
I was 13 and at summer camp when I had my first kiss.
CARLOS PENA, JR.
I had one pharmaceutical saleswoman client -- young and attractive -- who would kiss and hug her cli...
BARBARA PACHTER
Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead.--I shall feel it.
VICTOR HUGO
My lips part, wanting to tell him a story, wanting to kiss him more than I want to breathe
CRISTIN HARBER
What did that mean, to kiss? You put your face up like that to say goodnight and then his mother put...
JAMES JOYCE
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife i...
UNKNOWN
You have to kiss me," I find myself saying.
"Yeah." He leans closer. "I do.
HUNTLEY FITZPATRICK
A Kiss," said Mogget sleepily. "Actually, just a breath would do. But you have to start kissing some...
GARTH NIX
We sit and talk, and kiss away the hours as chastely as the morning dews kiss flowers: I touch her, ...
THOMAS RANDOLPH
If I hurt your feelings we ought to discuss it. I don't like this kiss-and-forget.'
'But I don'...
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
Don't you want me to kiss you goodbye, sweetie?"
"Kiss a cow farm boy
NORA ROBERTS
I place my hands over her ears and tip her head back, and kiss her, and try to put my heart into her...
AUDREY NIFFENEGGER
I waited for my first kiss.
CARLY RAE JEPSEN
But when I start to kiss someone - lust is the easiest emotion to generate.
CASEY AFFLECK
When I went to Paris, I had a lot of ideas about it that were formed in the sort of ether that flows...
ROSECRANS BALDWIN
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
I have already joined myself in marriage to a husband, namely the kingdom of England.
ELIZABETH I (SPOKEN TO HER PARLAMENT)
When I'm focusing on what's important to God, I live differently. I invest my time differently.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
It'd be great to do some other TV. 'Breaking Bad' is definitely my home, but I'd lov...
BETSY BRANDT
I had my first kiss when I was 11, but I think I've blocked it out of my mind because it was so ...
NIALL HORAN
Oh! might I kiss those eyes of fire,
A million scarce would quench desire;
Still would I stee...
LORD (GEORGE GORDON) BYRON
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem ...
SAM LEVENSON
When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem ...
SAMUEL LEVENSON
I want to kiss you so thoroughly that you lose your ability to stand.
JOHN MARK GREEN
Sometimes a kiss was just a kiss.
Sometimes a kiss announced changes.
That time the kiss ...
STEPHANIE WITTER
Tell me Jesse, does she sigh when you kiss her too
MEG CABOT
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO
I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss.
PAT ROBERTSON
I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss
PAT ROBERTSON
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
BETTE DAVIS
I'd like to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
PAUL GREEN
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score; then to that twenty, add a hundred more; a thousand to tha...
ROBERT HERRICK
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score; Then to that twenty, add a hundred more: A thousand to tha...
ROBERT HERRICK
You know I'm never going to be able to not kiss you again, right?" he said. "For the rest of my life...
SUZANNE YOUNG

More Woody Allen


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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN
A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
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If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
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I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
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Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
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Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
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My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
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I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
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Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
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I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
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I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
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Subjectivity is objective.
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The most expensive sex is free sex
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These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
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This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
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The heart wants what it wants.
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We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
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