I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence.

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest."