I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.