I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

[ALF has just squirted Willie with a squirting flower]
You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.