I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"