How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, 'Just wait.

Nothing makes my day more than when someone comes up to me and says I bring them joy. That's why I do it, to make people laugh their butts off and forget about their problems.

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said 'Just wait.'

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.