He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.