Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.


Ambrose Bierce

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE
Happiness comes from Responsibility. Misery from Blame.
LORRIN L. LEE
And yet a little tumult, now and then, is an agreeable quickener of sensation; such as a revolution,...
LORD (GEORGE GORDON) BYRON
Happiness is really a verb not a noun.
BRANDON A. TREAN
Strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of others.
JOSEPH CONRAD
Your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of others.
JOSEPH CONRAD
People think of security as a noun, something you go buy. In reality, it's an abstract concept like ...
JAMES GOSLING
The rest of us can find happiness in misery.
FALL OUT BOY
What is considered moksha of the Vitraags [the enlightened ones]? It is where despite having a physi...
DADA BHAGWAN
Trifles make up the happiness or the misery of human life
ALEXANDER SMITH
Trifles make up the happiness or the misery of human life.
ALEXANDER SMITH
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness...
H. JACKSON BROWN, JR.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness...
H. JACKSON BROWN JR.
Misery builds character, happiness makes cheesecake.
ABHIJIT NASKAR
Celerity: noun, mass noun; an ability possessed by certain Que Cum Virtute Judicium (Virts) increasi...
ALEX LANE
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
ARISTOTLE
I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispo...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposi...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposi...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
Without Jesus Christ man must be in vice and misery; with Jesus Christ man is free from vice and mis...
BLAISE PASCAL
Happiness is something we reap from the seeds we sow. Plant misery seeds and that us what you reap.
STEPHEN RICHARDS
Seeking happiness is a straight way to misery.
ENGLISH PROVERB
Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless ...
BOETHIUS
Momentary happiness is worse than permanent misery.
AHMED MOSTAFA
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happi...
H. JACKSON BROWN, JR.
The happiness and misery of men depend no less on temper than fortune.
FRANCOIS DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD
I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dis...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.
MARKUS ZUSAK
To know how to distinguish the agitation arising from covetousness, from the agitation arising from ...
VICTOR HUGO
A peasant and a philosopher may be equally satisfied, but not equally happy. Happiness consists in t...
SAMUEL JOHNSON
Happiness induced morality does not say anything about a content of a person's character. The real m...
ABHIJIT NASKAR
Inconsistencies of opinion, arising from changes of circumstances, are often justifiable.
DANIEL WEBSTER
Inconsistencies of opinion, arising from changes of circumstances, are often justifiable
DANIEL WEBSTER
Pyrokinesis: noun, mass noun; an ability possessed by certain Que Cum Virtute Judicium (Virts) to ge...
ALEX LANE
Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
H. JACKSON BROWN JR.
There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery
DANTE ALIGHIERI
The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery.
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery.
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
Supreme happiness will be the greatest cause of misery, and the perfection of wisdom the occassion o...
LEONARDO DA VINCI
Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.
BRANDON SANDERSON
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances.
MARTHA WASHINGTON
Money does not buy you happiness, but lack of money certainly buys you misery.
DANIEL KAHNEMAN
Happiness, or misery, is in the mind. It is the mind that lives.
WILLIAM COBBETT
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our ...
MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO
I was the sort of loose forward who lay contentedly on the bottom of a ruck, composing sonnets on th...
PETER COSGROVE
The foods that promote longevity, virtue, strength, health, happiness, and joy; are juicy, smooth, s...
BHAGAVAD GITA
We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's hap...
CHARLIE CHAPLIN
True Happiness comes from within... Granting another human being the power to determine your level o...
WILSON J. WASHINGTON III
I think that the idea of a war on an abstract noun is unacceptable.
HAMZA YUSUF
Slowing down is sometimes the best way to speed up.
MIKE VANCE
When God loves a creature he wants the creature to know the highest happiness and the deepest misery...
THORNTON WILDER
Doing nothing is happiness for children and misery for old men.
VICTOR HUGO
More company increases happiness, but does not lighten or diminish misery.
THOMAS TRAHERNE
People create their own happiness and also cause their own misery
DEE COLONESE
Happiness is often hidden in misery; light appears brighter in darkness.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
When it becomes above normal, material happiness will feel like misery.
DADA BHAGWAN
Pride is pleasure arising from a man's thinking too highly of himself.
BARUCH (_BENEDICT DE) SPINOZA
Pride is pleasure arising from a man's thinking too highly of himself.
BARUCH SPINOZA
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumst...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
Actual happiness looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of c...
ALDOUS HUXLEY
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
Mothers yielding Bibles, contemplating smearing the blood of lamb chops over her doorway. Anything t...
ANTONIA PERDU
Your dear baby has died innocent and blameless, and has been called away by an all wise and merciful...
GEORGE MASON
Another great evil arising from this desire to be thought rich; or rather, from the desire not to be...
WILLIAM COBBETT
There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to ano...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.
SHARON SALZBERG
From the beginning, the sensation of the marvelous presupposes faith.
ALEJO CARPENTIER
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances. ...
MARTHA WASHINGTON
We are contemplating seriously a way of taking @Ventures public, ... That might provide another vehi...
DAVID WETHERELL
We might have new issues involving information technology for example, or new questions arising out ...
CASS SUNSTEIN
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN
I would not anticipate the relish of any happiness, nor feel the weight of any misery, before it act...
ANON.
The light music of whisky falling into glasses made an agreeable interlude.
JAMES JOYCE
The sensation of writing a book is the sensation of spinning, blinded by love and daring. It is the ...
ANNIE DILLARD
Understand this first and foremost that you are the center of your existence; nobody else is respons...
OSHO
Well, Valek, any new promotions?” the Commander asked
“No. But Maren shows promise. Unfortu...
MARIA V. SNYDER
To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM VON LEIBNIZ
To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM VON LEIBNITZ
To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
G. WILHELM LEIBNIZ
Buddha means awareness, the awareness of body and mind that prevents evil from arising in either.
BODHIDHARMA
Pride is pleasure arising from a man's thinking too highly of himself.
BARUCH SPINOZA
Compulsion: noun, mass noun; an ability possessed by certain Que Cum Virtute Judicium (Virts) to for...
ALEX LANE
I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.
LORD (GEORGE GORDON) BYRON
I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.
LORD BYRON
Another great evil arising from this desire to be thought rich; or rather, from the desire not to be...
WILLIAM COBBETT
I was mad of course and still am, but harmless, I passed for harmless, that's a good one. Not of cou...
SAMUEL BECKETT
Certainly I believe that God gave us life for happiness, not misery. Humanity, I am sure, will never...
HELEN KELLER
Politics: (noun) From Greek, poly, meaning many, and ticks, meaning bloodsuckers.
ANON
The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery.
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
When you STEPOUT, you will Stand out, when you stand out you will definitely be Noticed and when you...
OSCAR BIMPONG
We are not contemplating formal requests from any other country,
LAWRENCE SUMMERS
The sensation that you experience in the body, is your spirit, but it’s so attached, that it’s h...
ROSHAN SHARMA
This is different from the sensation of a rebirth.This sensation is about discovery and finding out ...
KALEB KILTON

More Ambrose Bierce

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE
OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE