Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.