Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Whomever tries to drown their sorrows by drinking should know one thing: they know how to swim!

I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.