You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

They can place those in ornamental ponds, they can place those in abandoned swimming pools, any area that doesn't open up to a natural body of water.

You can do what you want. But I can also do what I want. And what I’ll be doing is telling everyone how fucking stupid your tattoo is.

You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life.

On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.