You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.