Women! Ya can't live with 'em and ya can't get 'em to wear skimpy little Nazi outfits.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.