FastSaying

Why did the blonde take two stones to bed? One to hit the light switch and turn the light off and the other to check if the window is closed.


Anonymous

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ANONYMOUS To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
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ANONYMOUS When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
ANONYMOUS Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
ANONYMOUS Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
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ANONYMOUS Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
ANONYMOUS And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
ANONYMOUS Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
ANONYMOUS Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
ANONYMOUS I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
ANONYMOUS Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
ANONYMOUS Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
ANONYMOUS If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
ANONYMOUS Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
ANONYMOUS I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
ANONYMOUS My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
ANONYMOUS If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
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ANONYMOUS The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
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ANONYMOUS How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
ANONYMOUS For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
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ANONYMOUS I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
ANONYMOUS Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
ANONYMOUS If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
ANONYMOUS The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
ANONYMOUS Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
ANONYMOUS Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
ANONYMOUS Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
ANONYMOUS Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
ANONYMOUS My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
ANONYMOUS Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
ANONYMOUS Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
ANONYMOUS When there's a will, I want to be in it.
ANONYMOUS Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
ANONYMOUS When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
ANONYMOUS As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
ANONYMOUS When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
ANONYMOUS What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
ANONYMOUS I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
ANONYMOUS Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
ANONYMOUS I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
ANONYMOUS Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
ANONYMOUS Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
ANONYMOUS Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
ANONYMOUS I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
ANONYMOUS My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
ANONYMOUS Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
ANONYMOUS I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
ANONYMOUS People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
ANONYMOUS I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
ANONYMOUS Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
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ANONYMOUS He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
ANONYMOUS I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
ANONYMOUS I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
ANONYMOUS Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
ANONYMOUS Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
ANONYMOUS It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
ANONYMOUS Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
ANONYMOUS Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
ANONYMOUS Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
ANONYMOUS I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
ANONYMOUS How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
ANONYMOUS My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
ANONYMOUS Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
ANONYMOUS What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
ANONYMOUS I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
ANONYMOUS There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
ANONYMOUS I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
ANONYMOUS How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS Smile while you still have teeth.
ANONYMOUS Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
ANONYMOUS After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
ANONYMOUS Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
ANONYMOUS I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
ANONYMOUS I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
ANONYMOUS True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
ANONYMOUS Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
ANONYMOUS Never judge a book by it's movie
ANONYMOUS I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
ANONYMOUS When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
ANONYMOUS Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
ANONYMOUS If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
ANONYMOUS My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
ANONYMOUS I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
ANONYMOUS Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
ANONYMOUS I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
ANONYMOUS Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
ANONYMOUS Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
ANONYMOUS Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
ANONYMOUS I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
ANONYMOUS A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
ANONYMOUS I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
ANONYMOUS Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
ANONYMOUS Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
ANONYMOUS Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
ANONYMOUS Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
ANONYMOUS I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
ANONYMOUS The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people al...
ANONYMOUS I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
ANONYMOUS The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
ANONYMOUS Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
ANONYMOUS I can't wait for that to never happen.
ANONYMOUS I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
ANONYMOUS Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
ANONYMOUS Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
ANONYMOUS Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
ANONYMOUS I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
ANONYMOUS Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
ANONYMOUS Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
ANONYMOUS An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
ANONYMOUS My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
ANONYMOUS Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
ANONYMOUS You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
ANONYMOUS Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
ANONYMOUS It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
ANONYMOUS If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
ANONYMOUS Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
ANONYMOUS