FastSaying
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Jack Handy
Instinct
Related Quotes
Unless the indications are that Meteor can add very quickly to EBITDA and earnings, our first instinct is that current-year EBITDA forecasts will be reduced due to the issues in the fixed-line business.
— Jack Gorman
Instinct
Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.
— Jack Handy
Party
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
— Jack Handy
Ancients
Beliefs
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
— Jack Handy
Destruction
Thinking
Trying
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
— Jack Handy
Poor
Weapons