When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.

My turner Mah'Lor is with me forever as well. At least his head is.

If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance

Since I can't turn into a bat and fly, I'll still need my bus pass

You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.

Centuries of perfectly-pitched heartbreak resound through Les' microphone as Stella and I embrace in a slow dance.