When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?