Steven Wright
Related BUDDY HACKETT I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man ... BARRY WATSON You’re too much”, he said. “You talk too much, love too much, feel too much. And I don’t kno... A BOOK I'LL NEVER WRITE I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. NORA DUNN ROWAN ATKINSON I was never pretty, never really popular. I was lanky and funny looking. TANYA ROBERTS ROB LOWE I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man ... BARRY WATSON Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out w... ANDREW STANTON By a lot of people's standards, I lived a very privileged life. I never wanted for attention, I ... CATHERINE TATE JANEANE GAROFALO I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid. LARRY DIXON CHARLES SCHWAB MATT KEMP LENA DUNHAM AASIF MANDVI Aye, well, I've got my garden. LIKE I I told my Nike representative, 'Why didn't you guys use me for this?''' Williams said, laughing. LIKE I On the interception, I was out of bounds, LIKE I casually made his 'abort black fetuses' argument. LIKE I I can field my position. If I start worrying about being ready for a line drive too soon that means ... LIKE I I told him that he played a great game,'' said Falcons quarterback Michael Vick , who like Manning w... LIKE I I was so concerned with getting the ball out of my hands and not taking the sack, that sometimes I t... LIKE I I knew I had to throw the ball better,'' Manning said of his poor start. LIKE I I think the reason that I have that title or that moniker is because people don't know what to expec... LIKE I You're either ready and prepared to take on the task, or you're not,'' he said. LIKE I I did not have one butterfly out there today,'' he said. LIKE I Married to the Mob. LIKE I Hello you're with Drudge. LIKE I I don't expect Christian Fundamentalists to reach out to me. They are adamant that homosexuals are i... LIKE I throw enough shit at the wall and some should stick? LIKE I I'm not happy, that's all I can say about it,'' he said. LIKE I I was never a Boy Scout, but oh, I wanted to be one when I was a kid about ten or eleven years old. ... CARL BARKS SHERYL SWOOPES When I watch movies with my kid like 'Shrek,' I'm like, 'Wow, this is pretty funny.&... MICHAEL PENA JANEANE GAROFALO ROSS MATHEWS MARTIN GARRIX I found what I was looking for at Langley. This was what a research mathematician did. I went to wor... KATHERINE JOHNSON I was never a troublemaker, but I also was never a nerdy kid. I was never a cool kid or a sports kid... FINN JONES You know, I was a kid when I went into 'Coronation Street' and I had an amazing time. I got ... RICHARD FLEESHMAN TOM HOLLAND J. COLE RACHEL DRATCH FIONA APPLE DEMETRI MARTIN CASSIE SCERBO EMMA STONE I really like 'Gladiator.' I like 'The Dark Knight.' I really liked, when I was a ki... MATTHEW STAFFORD I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would exami... GILBERT GOTTFRIED I could never be on stage on my own. But puppets can say things that humans can't say. NINA CONTI I was never a 'bad' kid, but I did get into minor juvenile trouble. Look, I grew up in Brook... WILLIAM FORSYTHE The funny thing is, I was never purposely blonde. I just got highlights, and then you get highlights... CHERI OTERI DEREK JETER But pain may be a gift to us. Remember, after all, that pain is one of the ways we register in memor... SUE MILLER DEYTH BANGER AL FRANKEN As a kid, I said, 'I want to write for movies.' When I finally had that opportunity it was l... CLIFF BURTON I went to dance class as a girl because I didn't like sports, but I never did a dance recital in... JENNIFER GREY ANNA KENDRICK CAMILA CABELLO That was funny for me, never (getting) a chance to play. That's kind of funny but I just don't remem... DARKO MILICIC When I'm doing a drama, I wish I was doing something funny. When I'm doing something funny, ... ALAN RUCK JACK LOWDEN I never liked apples. In fact, when I was a little girl, my mom wanted to give me apples in my lunch... LANA PARRILLA I was never a Boy Scout, but oh, I wanted to be one when I was a kid about ten or eleven years old. ... CARL BARKS I've played villains on stage - you know, the Iagos and so on - but I think of myself as a funny... MICHAEL EMERSON DAVID BOWIE When I worked with M.I.A., who was, like, the coolest person back then, she was just a girl I met on... DIPLO DAVE GROHL WILL FERRELL I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something fu... LORRIE MOORE KALEY CUOCO DON RICKLES It's been great; the whole experience was surreal to me. To go from 'EastEnders' to '... BEN HARDY The little song and dance number at the end - that's me, my voice, howling out. It was a new exp... HUGH DANCY KEKE PALMER STEVEN SEAGAL I never went to stage school or anything like that. It was always plays, productions at school and t... ED SPELEERS I was really blessed with parents who never said I couldn't do anything. And now I reflect as an... OLESYA RULIN MIKE BIRBIGLIA MIKE BIRBIGLIA NICK CANNON THOMAS A. EDISON It's funny, like 15 years ago when I was a kid doing all the John Hughes movies, I remember Bruc... ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL I'm not funny. Never have been and, as far as I can tell, I never will be. DAVID DOBKIN ROBIN WILLIAMS ANNA KENDRICK Actually, I was born Adam Zachary Orth. Zak is short for my middle name. I was never called Adam. ZAK ORTH I was born Roman, and I'll die Roman. I'll never leave this team or my city. FRANCESCO TOTTI DOLLY PARTON My parents never talked to me like I was a kid. Maybe that's why I've been seen as mature. DAKOTA FANNING When I was a kid, I used to watch 'Laurel and Hardy' with my cousins all the time. I still t... DAVID CHASE ARNOLD PALMER BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH I originally wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid. Then I had this huge fear of black holes be... PARIS-MICHAEL KATHERINE JACKSON DANIEL TOSH I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don... MAYA RUDOLPH RON WHITE It was terrible on dates, because I could never eat when I was on a date. ROBERT BARNES
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I was born to be funny. 
No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates ... 
I've never met a funny person who wasn't smart. I've met a lot of dramatic people who we... 
I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been consi... 
I never knew the word 'billion' when I was a kid. 
When I spend money on myself, it's almost always on shoes and clothes. I'm addicted to shoes... 
I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. 
I was born in India - but never really lived there. 
I've accomplished everything a person can accomplish on a basketball court, but I never thought ... 
I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering,... 
I will never, never ever sing on stage, but when I'm in the studio, I do sing melody lines. When... 
Performing on stage is such a buzz. I've done stupid things such as jump off a building, but I&#... 
I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't ser... 
I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one e... 
I never went to concerts when I was a kid, so I never knew if what I was doing onstage was right. 
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa... 
When I was 20 I was like, 'I'm not a teenager anymore. I got this.' But when I look back... 
I was a good-looking kid. I never felt, like, dorky. I was just like, 'Yup, these are my braces.... 
I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid befo... 
What I wrote... wasn't crazy... or a bullshit... or nonsense... it was what I saw! 
You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln... 
I stole comic books from my brother when I was a kid, but I was never like an avid fan. I can't ... 
I like to know that when I'm 90 years old, I'm going to be able to look at a song or poem I ... 
When I was on stage, I was like, 'This is alright. This is good.' 
I knew that I was 'interesting' at 18 because I was aware that I could get away with doing t... 
I never went to rock concerts when I was a kid. I didn't see any rock & roll bands. 
When a dramatic actor does a funny film, people are like, 'Wonderful! I didn't know he was f... 
I really don't have a type. I never had a type. If I could put them all together, it's, like... 
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. 
When I was a kid, people people would always say, 'Oh you look like Chilli from TLC.' It was... 
I was a very religious kid. I was raised as an Episcopalian. 
When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T... 
I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness. 
Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can reme... 
I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun. 
When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always though... 
I've never felt like I've exactly traded on my looks. When I was a teenager, I was an ultra ... 
My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was s... 
I putt like I did when I was a kid. When you're a kid, you're not scared of anything. 
I never was obsessive about anything I watched when I was a kid, except maybe 'The A-Team' a... 
I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet... 
I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn'... 
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching... 
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... 
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...