When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.