When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"