When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.