What's the difference between a cat and a flea? Cats can have fleas, but fleas can't have cats.

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The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.

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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

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Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

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How do you stop a cat from scratching your furniture? Give her scratch and win lotto tickets.

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When we go to seafood restaurants I tell them 'Just water for me, thanks.' - Fish