What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.

You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.