What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!

If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go

There is no humor in heaven.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places.

I'll take Heaven for the climate and Hell for society.