Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"

Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.

That’s my girl.
Live a good life, Ava.

When you meet someone so different from yourself, in a good way, you don't even have to kiss to have fireworks go off. It's like fireworks in your heart all the time. I always wondered, do opposites really attract? Now I know for sure they do. I'd grown up going to the library as often as most people go to the grocery store. Jackson didn't need to read about exciting people or places. He went out and found them, or created excitement himself if there wasn't any to be found. The things I like are pretty simple. Burning CDs around themes, like Songs to Get You Groove On and Tunes to Fix a Broken Heart; watching movies; baking cookies; and swimming. It's like I was a salad with a light vinaigrette, and Jackson was a platter of seafood Cajun pasta. Alone, we were good. Together, we were fantastic.

If this is what it's like for you to love me, then do me a favor, love me less.

When I look back on this I'll always be hurt. Not because of you but because I'm afraid. You think you're the only one hurting but I'm hurting with you. Only for you it'll go away. Eventually. For me the hurt of wanting the one you love to be happy with someone else because I'm to afraid is a pain that won't go away. It's a pain no one else knows. It's a secret pain. And it's killing me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you. But you don't deserve me. You deserve someone who isn't afraid of love. When you find her and I see you smile again, being happy again, I'll know all my pain was worth it. Maybe then my tears will stop. Until then I'll lay awake at night and miss everything, I'll relive the memories no matter how painful, and I'll remember our love. Just please don't ever regret me. Please don't forget me. And for now...please don't ignore me anymore.