FastSaying

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.


Steven Alexander Wright

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Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS I took my dog to the fire hydrant factory. They never saw so much excitement every time a hydrant ca...
SHORT QUOTES She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold ...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Hodor," said Hodor.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.
BILL CLINTON History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
MITCHELL KAPOR Life is a re-discovery.
BRIAN BLESSED If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga...
GARY F EVANS... Life Is a Misconception.
DEYTH BANGER Life is a desire!
DEYTH BANGER To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y...
GARY F EVANS... It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Kn...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi...
MARIANA FULGER You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog
ALFRED KAHN I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI I felt somewhat like a fire hydrant – with everyone marking their territory around me.
FARRAH NASEEM Life is a lot like skateboarding.
LIL WAYNE When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing w...
A.A. MILNE Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and s...
CARTER CROCKER For me, my life is a journey.
JAY ELECTRONICA We each have a special something we can get only at a special time of our life. like a small flame. ...
HARUKI MURAKAMI I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM The abundant life begins from within and then moves outward to other individuals. If there is richne...
SPENCER W. KIMBALL Love isn't the work of the tender and the gentle;
Love is the work of wrestlers.
The one w...
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception...
SAM HARRIS Life is a risk.
CARMELO ANTHONY Collecting intelligence information is like trying to drink water out of a fire hydrant. You know, i...
LOUIS FREEH I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG A person of value have skill, a vision & a deep desire to achieve what they dream for. Happiness com...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA A man of guilt acknowledges and changes himself immediately on being hinted slightly about his fault...
ANUJ SOMANY The school year progressed slowly. I felt as if I had been in the sixth grade for years, yet it was ...
LUCY GREALY The value of a consultant;An outsider can see what an insider cannot see or has decided to ignore.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A family is like a card game, on one hand, you can get a really bad hand and on the other, your hand...
GARY F EVANS... The worth of a person’s quote is in his or her heart where it takes the birth and the value of the...
ANUJ SOMANY Walking the rugged trail of the unknown destiny can be filled with walls crashing and cracks on the ...
GARY F EVANS... It makes you wonder why the human race can be so selfish and self-centered sometimes, when on cold w...
GARY F EVANS... To have a pet in the family is to invite good health into your lives.It brings happiness to all and ...
GARY F EVANS... I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape an...
ARTHUR GOLDEN كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره�...
مليكة مستظرف The norm which the society at large has set today categorically is in the form of preventive measure...
HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT Kehidupan perempuan itu sembilan bagian kacau dan satu bagian ajaib, kau akan segera mengetahuinya.....
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Jaime smiled knowingly. Men will read all sorts of things into a knowing smile if you let them.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN A fire hydrant is not something you want to lose, especially in an emergency.
SHANNON WIERSBITZKY Stephen picks up on Armstrong's pier, and calls Kingstown pier "a disappointed bridge" (2.22)...
JAMES JOYCE Without music, life is a journey through a desert.
PAT CONROY Life is a journey. When we stop, things don't go right.
POPE FRANCIS Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ... Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappr...
GAIL CARRIGER If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live wi...
JOAN POWERS Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?'
'Supposing it didn't,' said Pooh...
A.A. MILNE By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER Everything has happen, will happen and it's going to happen in one moment. There isn't even and time...
DEYTH BANGER Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR. A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in ...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I wish I was home", She said miserably.
She tried so hard to be brave,
to be fierce as a...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib...
C. JOYBELL C. Like a deep sad note
played beneath the ocean
waving through the orb
the memories of ...
PAWAN MISHRA Aemon’s blind white eyes came open. “Egg?” he said, as the rain streamed down his cheeks. “E...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN A Ritual to Read to Each Other


If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and...
WILLIAM STAFFORD Be grateful for every moment and every breath.
TERESA COLLINS Life is a school of probability.
WALTER BAGEHOT This life is a process of learning.
LAURYN HILL Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.
ANNE WILSON SCHAEF Everybody in life is a chameleon.
MELANIE CHISHOLM His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING I wanted to tell you that I just--I miss you. And maybe that sounds ridiculous--like we barely know ...
TAMMARA WEBBER Life is a grand party.
EZRA MILLER Unsubscribe from should-a, would-a, could-a
MICHAEL H. DANSBURY A successful teacher is one who has atleast 2 students in his class, one who sees no reason to study...
APURVA GAGLANI I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what's on the othe...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
STEPHEN CHOBOSKY All concepts of making a point is another failure of communication.
DEYTH BANGER I just want silence... nothing less... nothing more.
DEYTH BANGER Knowledge causes depression and a lot of pressure.
DEYTH BANGER This is going to take a while. I'm a fantasy author. We have trouble with the concept of brevity.
BRANDON SANDERSON Be yourself and people will like you.
JEFF KINNEY The best person I know is Myself.
JEFF KINNEY If you play football, then for every goal that you score, ask your self, what is the 'grudge of a li...
APURVA GAGLANI I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not e...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY It's strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you...
FREDRIK BACKMAN Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.
AVIS COREA I’m caught between trying to live my life, and trying to run from it.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't want to be somebody's crush.if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES لم يكن بمقدوري سوى الهروب إلى عالمي الخاص: إلى الحلم. أت...
مليكة مستظرف

More Steven Alexander Wright

If you have an issue, get a tissue.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT The past can haunt you, but so can ghosts. The future can be unpredictable, but so can the stock ma...
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I&#...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT