This is going to be the biggest comedy blowout ever, in part because you can't get bigger stars than this, and because it was so much work to put together I'm never doing it again.
Charna Halpern
Related So this is going to be drill!? DEYTH BANGER 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON She loved him, even though it was so hard to love anybody else after loving my dad. I think I knew t... MARGARET MCMULLAN Yeah, it was so good. I was so-o-o mean to her before [in Hide and Seek ]. Man, I felt bad because I... ELISABETH SHUE In manufacturing, too much work is beyond repetitive - it is inhumane. The people doing this work ar... STEVE JURVETSON He had a harder time helping her out though. He was asleep while she was doing stars. Without wings,... LAURIE FRANKEL I was living in London and I thought, 'there's nothing here for me anymore'. I don't want to become ... BRIAN COX By and large, we're not going to be hoping for great things from Microsoft, because Xbox wasn't a bl... BILL KORNITZER It's like whoa, this is what you want to be doing. This is why you put in all the hard work. Why am ... DAMON HOLLINS I will love myself despite the ease with which I lean toward the opposite. SHANE L. KOYCZAN It's a great feeling to be a part of this. Going down there and doing so well is really significant,... SANDRA CAMACHO You are letting this feeling get cold, I cant blame you, you must know you are free to go... Don't y... ANDRES OLIVER The issue of gender was never my biggest concern; my biggest concern was doing good work. When the f... PATTI SMITH I'm more nervous about doing this than anything I've ever done before, because it is so prestigious. MICHAEL ASPEL I like bringing comedy to musicals. That's what's so much fun about this show, because the writers a... CASEY NICHOLAW I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter what I might... STEPHENIE MEYER For us, because we got ranked the week before, it was a test to see how we could work together. It i... MEGAN BIGING Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides yo... LOUIS DE BERNIèRES I honestly can't take this anymore. I just cant stand it seeing you with him any longer. I tried to ... MAHMOUD EL HALLAB We don’t talk anymore because you don’t put in the effort, why should I? Karma is a bigger bitch... WENDY GIRL I think there's going to be a very sudden shift in people's perception of the International Space St... MARC GARNEAU Music itself is going to become like running water or electricity. So it's like, just take advan... DAVID BOWIE This is working the way it is supposed to work -- the fact that it is so transparent and so visible.... BRUCE RUEBEN For these stars to have produced a signal this strong, they had to be very massive stars, much bigge... ALEXANDER KASHLINSKY We are taking that on, which is part of the reason there's so much work going on this year. It's goi... JEFF BRIGGS This is better than anything I've played in because it's with the best players in the world. It has ... CHAIRON ISENIA It passed really easily because there was so much work done ahead of time. It took a huge amount of ... AMY MONIER This memory was both happy and sad: happy because it was so pleasant, and sad because it made Penelo... MARYROSE WOOD How to get it, I annoy you??? You are not interested??? What's the idea??? DEYTH BANGER Awards are so unnecessary because I think we get so much out of our work just by doing it. The work ... NATALIE PORTMAN Awards are so unnecessary, because I think we get so much out of our work just by doing it. The work... NATALIE PORTMAN It's very, very corrupting to the spirit, doing comedy. And you have to be almost a saint, like ... MIKE NICHOLS I can't even SARAH VAN WATERSCHOOT As a comedian, it really gelled when I started doing standup. Because standup is so much about brave... AISHA TYLER You have to go so much because you have things to do and you have to go to work, but some of the ple... HENRY WINTER While both these statements refer to eggs, the main difference between these two rather irking state... CHRISTINA ENGELA When we first started learning about it, it seemed like it was going to be a lot of fun and not so m... ROBERT JAMES I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains ... TERRY PRATCHETT We decided it would be better to interview the candidates and have them answer the questions instead... ERIN WILSON When I took [the discipleship study] ?Experiencing God,? I learned to join God where He is already a... JANET LEDFORD It's wonderful because you get all this heat, ... Everybody says, 'Why, is it going to open? Is it g... JAMES CROMWELL You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place...like you'll not only miss the people ... AZAR NAFISI This is a little bit like getting a bigger-than-expected package in a much prettier wrapping and hug... ROBERT BRUSCA Cliff really went out of his way to help us with this. ...The best part is, we're using 1962 prices.... CATHY DAME Rather than worrying about work, schedules, and deadlines, I felt at peace with God. He was in contr... CRAIG GROESCHEL This industry is all about work, and just because Sundance exposed me to the world, it is my job to ... GINA RODRIGUEZ I was sadder for the actors than I was for me because when you do good work in this industry, you ge... JOEL SCHUMACHER It would be perfect if everyone who makes love, is in love, but this is simply an unrealistic expect... C. JOYBELL C. It's independent of that. Denzel didn't come here to get reviews. He's had reviews. Julia didn't com... JAMES LAPINE This amendment is so unbelievably draconian because it pretends to be doing something that it is so ... MARGOT SAUNDERS I've had so many horrible things happen in my life since I did 'Home Improvement' that i... PATRICIA RICHARDSON The love has got to be bigger than everything else. The isolation, the separation, the danger. When ... THEA HARRISON I've always wanted to do more hitting because there's a certain rush of adrenaline you get when you ... JAY MERGENTHALER Ever since 'Strange Heaven,' I haven't really reread my old work. Not so much because I ... LYNN COADY I would expect to get more because we have the Washington Nationals, instead of the Expos. We paid i... CHARLIE MONFORT We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them. SHANE L. KOYCZAN Sometimes becoming drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity. SHANE L. KOYCZAN I don't think I've ever heard him yell in (the wrestling room) and most coaches get you going by yel... KYLE MARTINEZ I never once got to the point where I said it's time to move on and go somewhere else and thought it... KORDELL STEWART We put a lot of work into the season and it was great to get this last win. At the same time, it wil... ANDY CROOKS It's never been done before so it was a little nerve-wracking. You've got three major stars and they... KATE RAMOS You know that we've got a few problems we need to talk through before we get married." "I... SUSAN ELIZABETH PHILLIPS Why are we doing this?" Caine asked him. "You know damned well why we're doing this. Because it's a ... MICHAEL GRANT It was unbelievable. It was good, especially because you don't really expect it. It just came as a s... ALAIN NASREDDINE This is our third year doing it. Every year we just get bigger and bigger. LARRY CORTEZ What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act? CRAIG GROESCHEL The creative part of your brain needs to be stimulated. Sometimes you get blocked in the thing you d... BAT FOR LASHES Mark is going through so much, ... There's a lot of significance in really the hard work I get accol... TREVOR HOFFMAN he said (that's right, 'Gosh'). ''That's the farthest thing from my mind right now. I'd hate to be t... BILL MUELLER This is our style. We win, then we get up and get back to work. And we're gonna keep doing what we'v... JUSTIN HALL It is what it is, it is what you make it. JAMES DURBIN The Cowboy Mouth thing is so much bigger than just the people in the band. Everybody is just in it t... FRED LEBLANC Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it SARA SHEPARD We came in here thinking it was going to be a blowout. CODY PROVENZANO You care because God gave you this unusual blessing: a burden to make a difference. CRAIG GROESCHEL I appreciate the fact that you have one redeeming quality, Jack, but that is all it is. Just a hint ... K.A. LINDE Just shocked. Overwhelmed. First thing they saw was the cross on the roof. And that meant so much. Y... MICHAEL MOLONEY Miami is so much bigger, the opportunity is so much bigger and the level they're on is so much highe... DANIEL STEGALL I'm not expecting much work in Hollywood, to be honest. People stick to film because they tend t... KIM CATTRALL There was no Jace Wayland more real than the one he saw in her eyes when she looked at him. CASSANDRA CLARE We started it in 2001, (held it again in) 2003 and 2005. Because the event gained so much popularity... DAN CHIN You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss ... AZAR NAFISI Think bigger than you've been taught possible. Doing so, you teach someone else to think bigger than... DEDRICK D. L. PITTER That can't infiltrate your room, it can't get into people's heads. If one person doesn't believe, th... BRAD RICHARDS The biggest thing about me, as an actor, is I'm never a finished product, you know? I always wan... ANEURIN BARNARD I couldn't even be mad at him, because this was who he was. This was who he'd always been. He'd neve... JENNY HAN Again, was it not this same presentiment of death that made it seem so strange to me now that I shou... SHōHEI ŌOKA To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli... ASK AND IT IS GIVEN All I ever thought was, 'I'm going to do this as long as I can, and if I can't get paid at it, I'll ... BRUCE COCKBURN In 1950, the biggest amp you could get was no bigger than a tabletop radio. BILLY GIBBONS It wasn't going to get much better than this. But I think this is what was deserved in this case. Th... JEFF CARIO We've tried to emphasize rebounding for two years now. We don't out-size anyone and in this game we ... LENNY CLARK He's part of this family. You know it's more serious than we'd like it to be when he has to miss pra... DANE LOOKER They're really into it, laughing and teasing each other, and I am looking at Pam and thinking once a... JAMES HOWE It is such an insignificant amount. That is not going to get the problem solved. It's much, much big... CLINT MILLER It will never be the old Merck because it will never be the biggest drug company in the world. If it... FRAN HAWTHORNE I don?t know how it was changed to this location. It was a good location at the other site. Now we h... ANDY COLLINS Off, end this lies it's not awesome. Please take this crap, second very clever and smart, but I want... DEYTH BANGER I've kind of re-energized them. I'm hoping to re-energize the mayor and city managers because we all... JEFFREY LORIA Because it was always going to be this hard to stop. ROBERT REDFORD
More Charna Halpern
We were there all day, ... I told them, 'Mike Myers isn't gonna rehearse. We don't need Mike for sou... CHARNA HALPERN I have no problem with Second City. A lot of people try to create a competition where there isn't on... CHARNA HALPERN It's only a couple months early! CHARNA HALPERN He was here two nights in a row. CHARNA HALPERN Teach one three-hour class, like maybe tonight. CHARNA HALPERN When I met Del, I was doing these theater-sports type things, ... But I was very bored, and I said t... CHARNA HALPERN This is exactly what he wanted. This is Del getting the last laugh. CHARNA HALPERN I have no problem with Second City, CHARNA HALPERN We take it for granted that we can see at all times of day and night. But there was a time, not all ... JAKE HALPERN The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't s... JUSTIN HALPERN On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate “Son, you're compla... JUSTIN HALPERN When Mozart was composing at the end of the eighteenth century, the city of Vienna was so quiet that... STEVEN HALPERN Passion kept one fully in the present, so that time became a series of mutually exclusive 'nows.' SUE HALPERN Most of us, myself included, have forgotten what real darkness is like. We live in a world where lig... JAKE HALPERN Char bought a pack of clove cigarettes, claiming they tasted good, to which I ask why doesn't she ju... JULIE HALPERN If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then ... JUSTIN HALPERN The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, b... JUSTIN HALPERN I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying... JUSTIN HALPERN Thankfully, I found a doctor at Presbyterian Hospital in New York, Scott Hammer, who diagnosed my ch... TUCKER HALPERN I've been inconsistent by my standards, but I always set high goals for myself. TUCKER HALPERN If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not ... JUSTIN HALPERN You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds... JUSTIN HALPERN I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. ... JUSTIN HALPERN On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats “Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck wou... JUSTIN HALPERN On Sharing “I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then y... JUSTIN HALPERN My mind was quickly consumed with thoughts of my girlfriend and all the good times we had had, like ... JUSTIN HALPERN On Telemarketer Phone Calls “Hello?…Fuck you. JUSTIN HALPERN You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, ... JUSTIN HALPERN It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dum... JUSTIN HALPERN You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit. JUSTIN HALPERN On Asking to Have the Candy Passed to Me During Schindler’s List “What do you want — the candy... JUSTIN HALPERN Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gan... JUSTIN HALPERN There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I meant by that. Trust me,... JUSTIN HALPERN I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like sile... JUSTIN HALPERN That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. D... JUSTIN HALPERN Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their... JUSTIN HALPERN People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, ... JUSTIN HALPERN Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do m... JUSTIN HALPERN You're ten years old now, you have to take a shower every day...I don't give a shit if you hate it. ... JUSTIN HALPERN You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just m... JUSTIN HALPERN Don't touch that knife. YOU never need to be holding a knife... I don't give a shit, learn how to bu... JUSTIN HALPERN Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens. JUSTIN HALPERN I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken... Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? Ok... JUSTIN HALPERN Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later it's ... JUSTIN HALPERN On Lego's "Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there... JUSTIN HALPERN You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someo... JUSTIN HALPERN Light the candles and pour the red wine into your glass. Before you begin to eat, raise your glass i... DANIEL HALPERN You can do what you want. But I can also do what I want. And what I’ll be doing is telling everyon... JUSTIN HALPERN You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the ... JUSTIN HALPERN It's been a successful title for them, but I'm not sure that I'd see this as meaningfully changing t... STEWART HALPERN The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He's not the ob... JUSTIN HALPERN I think putting it out anonymously backfired for us. It hurt our sales because people want a name. T... DAN HALPERN Even though I grew up two hours south, I had rarely ventured to Los Angeles. I soon learned that my ... JUSTIN HALPERN The consumer segment is a cash-cow business. The cable companies threaten that cash cow. If the Bell... JEFFREY HALPERN The empire-building continues. He has a track record of gobbling competitors at premium prices. JEFFREY HALPERN Nothing we heard at yesterday's meeting undermines our conviction that the new AT&T will outperform ... JEFFREY HALPERN Even though it's not the regular season, it gets the monkey off his back, ... You could see once he ... JEFF HALPERN We had our share of chances on the power play as well and we didn't take advantage. We continued to ... JEFF HALPERN We made some mistakes at the end by pressing a bit. When it's 5-1, guys' eyes got a little big. We n... JEFF HALPERN I always looked up to those guys, ... I was able to have Dale Hunter to talk to my first year when h... JEFF HALPERN It's a pretty humbling experience. JEFF HALPERN Anytime you come to play, you want to win, ... It's nice to walk away with a win. It's definitely no... JEFF HALPERN one or two guys who surprise everyone. JEFF HALPERN You have to be fast now. You used to be able to get by with hooking and holding. Not now. You can't ... JEFF HALPERN I'm excited to get back out there. The first week of camp is always tough, but it's been so long, ev... JEFF HALPERN It's almost like getting traded because there's going to be a lot of new faces. There's a lot of fre... JEFF HALPERN It's difficult to write about poverty in a way that doesn't feel cliched. JAKE HALPERN We aint a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fai... JUSTIN HALPERN We often talk about "getting out of our comfort zone," but rarely about entering someone else's. SUE HALPERN Narcissistic fathers leave their daughters with deep doubts about whether a man can love them, since... HOWARD M. HALPERN