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This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday. I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.


Art Buchwald

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This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday, ... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn'...
ART BUCHWALD This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn...
ART BUCHWALD This is a homeland security, national security issue and I think Republicans think they own this iss...
STUART ROTHENBERG So this is going to be drill!?
DEYTH BANGER We thought this would be a really neat way to celebrate our partnership and acknowledge an art dedic...
CHERYL PALMER Over the past five years, the president has made the right call over and over again. This is one tim...
ERIC UELAND The best way to celebrate Social Security's birthday would be to enact legislation that ensures Amer...
JIM MCCRERY Do not touch the monkey.
HOMELAND SECURITY More than any woman I ever knew, she comforted.' -Mrs. Huxley about Emma
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN That's silly,' said Martha. 'Friends should always tell each other the truth.
JAMES MARSHALL Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women...
JOSEPH B. WIRTHLIN In this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women ...
JEFFREY R. HOLLAND And we learned that you don't have to be famous or rich or physically healthy to be a leader. You ju...
JOAN BAUER There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we ...
THOMAS S. MONSON Beauty—real everlasting beauty—lives not on our faces, but in our attitude and our actions. It l...
JUSTINA CHEN The sad heart needs work to do.
JOAN BAUER Like the vital rudder of a ship, we have been provided a way to determine the direction we travel. T...
THOMAS S. MONSON There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the p...
EPICTETUS We must be more and more to each other, my dear wife.' -Charles Darwin to wife Emma upon loss of dau...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN I wish you knew how I value you; and what an inexpressible blessing it is to have one whom one can a...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN I'd be happy to live till 80 as long as I was comfortable and in good health. Mind you, ask me a...
BONNIE TYLER They just wanted to make her birthday special. This is what Chelsea wanted to do.
MARSHA BERRY for homeland security to be effective.
TOM RIDGE Remember that yours is not the only heart that may be wishing for love.
CAMERON DOKEY I wanted to be an animator originally. I went to art school; I went to art college and everything. B...
DAMON WAYANS, JR. this sounds a little simple, but I think if we didnt know illness we wouldnt really feel the exhilir...
PRISCILLA WARNER When I saw that the journey would snake through Thailand, Laos and Tibet, I knew it would be a perfe...
ABDUL LATIF I will not read the last page of novels first," I said, and then punched myself in the face.
"...
BRANDON SANDERSON This is why I wanted to be an artist. It may never happen again, but it's happened this one time.
ANGUS MACLACHLAN She loves Oprah, and she's going to be in Chicago for her birthday anyway. What better way to contin...
MARSHA BERRY This money is coming from Homeland Security funds.
LARRY JARRELL Everything went just well for me today. It is my birthday so I have double reason to celebrate today...
HERON GREY In this window where people are raising significant questions about Katrina preparation, about port ...
CELINDA LAKE My little boy said to me it would be nice if I got a hat-trick to celebrate my birthday, so I dedica...
ANDY COLE I know now: what is is all that matters. Not the thing you know is meant to be, not what could be, n...
AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly;
In my own way, and with my full consent.
Say...
EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE I have a feeling that makes me very uneasy that the Department of Homeland Security is dysfunctional...
CHRISTOPHER SHAYS Each of us is under a divinely spoken obligation to reach out with pardon and mercy and to forgive o...
DIETER F. UCHTDORF A proverb in the Old Testament states: 'He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he t...
GORDON B. HINCKLEY Our opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are...
THOMAS S. MONSON The Lord gives us a spirit of hope and a feeling of comfort and confidence that we can overcome the ...
L. LIONEL KENDRICK The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time...
DOUGLAS WOOD What men and women need is encouragement. Their natural resisting powers should be strengthened, not...
ELEANOR H. PORTER Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then ...
JOSEPH SMITH JR. Many people have asked me, 'How do you make a single life a happy one? My answer is, 'Create the bes...
KRISTEN MCMAIN OAKS As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have a responsibility to make our m...
KRISTEN MCMAIN OAKS He was supposed to be coming home to celebrate Christmas and his son's birthday. Instead, he's comin...
DONNA LAMKIN Tom Ridge is a decent man and a fine public servant, but unfortunately was not given the leeway or r...
CHARLES SCHUMER I will love myself despite the ease with which I lean toward the opposite.
SHANE L. KOYCZAN FEMA can be turned around. But I don't think it can be turned around within Homeland Security.
ERIC TOLBERT I wanted to be scared again... I wanted to feel unsure again. That's the only way I learn, the only ...
CONNIE CHUNG But I made him the Deputy Secretary for Homeland Security because that added an element of political...
WES CRAVEN Celebrate your day of birthday as special day.Make a specific birthday wishes and write it down.You ...
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA In the end, more than freedom, they wanted security. They wanted a comfortable life, and they lost i...
MARGARET THATCHER It was their birthday gift to me. It was a wonderful time for the three of us to be together.
EILEEN MEADORS This boils down to regional homeland security, ... the nearest fighter jets available [to the Pacifi...
MARIA CANTWELL I hate that just because you happen to be good at something,people automatically think that's what m...
AMBER SMITH I wanted to get up, but they (the medical staff) wouldn't let me,
ANTONIO CHATMAN State and Homeland Security are still resolving if this will be a proximity or distance read.
FRANK MOSS Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN Birthday, Birthday, Birthday!
Celebrate your day of birth, no matter the circumstances of your...
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA I saw you, and I wanted to be close to you. I wanted you to let me in. I wanted to know you in a way...
BECCA FITZPATRICK Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT To be, or not to be, that is the question.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I decided if you're lucky enough to be alive, you should use each birthday to celebrate what you...
MARY STEENBURGEN Plant the seeds of Love in your hearts. Let them grow into trees of Service and shower the sweet fru...
SRI SATHYA SAI BABA A birthday party will be a modest one, and I shall celebrate it with relatives and friends.
MIKHAIL GORBACHEV I wasn't trying to turn graffiti into an art form. I just wanted to learn about art. I wanted to...
BARRY MCGEE The other thing about FEMA, my understanding is that it was supposed to move into the Department of ...
WARREN RUDMAN This is the 250th birthday celebration for our namesake. The least we can do is celebrate.
ALAN GOULD I wanted this, I wanted to do this, but my work is me, and it has to be right.
OSCAR DE LA RENTA Its a 45 million dollars market in homeland security federal government has 29 billion dollars in pr...
JACK LAVIN You must remember that you are my prime treasure (and always have been).'
Emma Darwin to husban...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN One of the professors here used to say to us, 'Dr. King's birthday as we celebrate it is not a day o...
ANNA BROWN I've never hosted a party in my life, not even my own birthday party. I'd feel really uncomf...
ALESSIA CARA Yeah, they let me do whatever I wanted to.
WANDA JACKSON I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good things, therefore, that I can do, any kindnes...
STEPHEN GRELLET I really wanted to be in this class because I always wanted to study art.
KATRINA CARTER The nature of Homeland Security is that no news is good news. And no news sometimes means somebody g...
JEH JOHNSON I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that...
WILLIAM PENN He is still interested in an international research center. It would be a national research center w...
GLENN PATTON The best system is fortress America, ... the most sophisticated — they cannot be forged … that is ...
FRANK KEATING To be or not to be. That's not really a question.
JEAN-LUC GODARD Even though cities are the very center of homeland security, they seem to be an afterthought when it...
KAREN ANDERSON Repairing these 65 units is a way to house people in this community, quickly.
BUBBA HARPER I saw you, and I wanted to be close to you. I wanted you to let me in. I wanted to know you in a way...
BECCA FITZPATRICK There are so many Al Anon fans and friends who have shown me wonderful love, prayers, thoughts! I th...
STEVEN ADLER PEACE IS THE OBJECTIVE TO WAR, BUT THE BLOOD RUNNETH STILL
NATALIE URQUIETA As the wonderful agony begins for 1964-65, I sometimes wonder why I do it. I've got an insurance...
TOM HEINSOHN To be honest, as an actor, job security is not a trait.
TAYLOR KINNEY I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindnes...
STEPHEN GRELLET I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindnes...
STEPHAN GRELLET I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindnes...
ETTIENE DE GRELLET I just wanted to step back and watch these young women celebrate; celebrate perseverance and that's ...
JULIE ROUSSEAU We have to face the fact that meaningful gun control has to be a part of homeland security.
JEH JOHNSON I just wanted to be a businessman, and to me, the best way to understand business was to be an accou...
AUBREY MCCLENDON Most powerful of all powers in its holy insinuation is _being_. _To be_ is more powerful than even _...
GEORGE MACDONALD I stopped by, and they let me know how serious they were about getting me back. And that's when I fi...
KALIMBA EDWARDS Seeing eye to an eye is a must, especially when there lies a case, or an intent, to meet; even by in...
PRIYAVRAT THAREJA

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ART GARFUNKEL We're aware that it has resonance for the times, yes, ... But we chose it because it was the first h...
ART GARFUNKEL I'm the kind of person who can hear that stuff. If you sing along to the radio and you're not going ...
ART GARFUNKEL Right now if a Toyota (plant) came together, there'd be 16 people fighting for them. Competition can...
ART COLLINS Looking ahead, Medtronic is exceptionally well-positioned to maintain its growth momentum, ... Signi...
ART COLLINS We believe that we are picking up the majority of whatever business Guidant couldn't fulfill because...
ART COLLINS The new product pipeline has never been stronger as we plan to introduce significant new therapies t...
ART COLLINS It was good to get out here and see the players bounce around a little bit. We got out of it healthy...
ART BRILES We appreciate their loyalty and thank them for what they've done at the University of Houston.
ART BRILES The quarterback part, to me, is secondary to him as a person. His background, being from West Texas,...
ART BRILES Everything was clicking on both sides of the ball. ...and I think we rode the wave of momentum for a...
ART BRILES He has come out of some great programs and he's been on some great defenses. He was at Alabama four ...
ART BRILES Edwards wanted to follow Wadia and has been on the fast track for quite a while.
ART BOWMAN Salvatore's extremely capable. I'm surprised he didn't get the job permanently.
ART BOWMAN We are reaching a low point in the history of the profession. And as we eventually emerge from this ...
ART BOWMAN Any of the four would be willing to do [a merger] if they were shielded from liability.
ART BOWMAN The scenarios are basically the same. Andersen as we know it is dead whether there is an acquittal o...
ART BOWMAN What ever truth drops on it eventually grinds to a powder.
ART BLAKEY Music washes away the dust of every day life.
ART BLAKEY Jazz is known all over the world as an American musical art form and that's it. No America, no jazz....
ART BLAKEY A name doesn't make the music. It's just called that to differentiate it from other types of music.
ART BLAKEY You can't seperate modern jazz from rock or from rhythm and blues - you can't seperate it. Because t...
ART BLAKEY