There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.

Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little.

I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.

The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault.

You don't take your cat with you to go bird shopping. Not because the cat isn't polite, but because he's a cat.

I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.