There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.